The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
