Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
