I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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