my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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