She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
