Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
