Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
we should paint friendship bongs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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