this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
