smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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