Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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