I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
