I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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