Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
