yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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