2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
