there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
