You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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