I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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