You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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