used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
