Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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