drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
