walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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