I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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