Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
