On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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