you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
