I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
