the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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