are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
