Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
