Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
