oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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