so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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