Betty ford says i'm here all night
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
