I just cut my nipple shaving
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
