By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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