Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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