I can feel you judging me through the phone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
