So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
