I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
