and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will be naked everywhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
