If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
