i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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