My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
