So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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