So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
