Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
