So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
