I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
