i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
