The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
